I Hate Turkey

Have you ever talked to a Vet from Korea?

Everyone I've met said they'll never eat cabbage again. Lots from Vietnam say they'll never eat rice again. It seems like every war has its taboo food.

Welcome to Iraq. Our food is turkey.

Every. Single. Day. I haven't had fresh food in weeks. And every night for dinner our cooks, who are more like sadists than chefs, fix us turkey.

I could understand having turkey a couple times a week. I can see how it is difficult to provide a big variety of food. But every night? Turkey cutlets, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, corn, gravy. Sounds good even. 'Cept everything looks so scary I only get turkey and mashed potatoes.

The process for cooking Army food is so easy, a caveman could do it;

Step 1: Bring water in 5 gallon pot to boil.
Step 2: Go to freezer, grab bag of turkey cutlets.
Step 3: Throw bag (yes, the plastic) into boiling water.
Step 4: Precooked turkey in plastic bag is now thawed, remove bag from water.
Step 5: Cut open bag, pour into serving pan.
Step 6: Laugh when Joe asks if it is turkey for dinner again.

Every. Single. Night.

I never ever want to eat turkey again. I don't want to smell it or see it.

This is my manifesto. I am taking a stance against giant birds for food. Thanksgiving will no longer be a turkey and stuffing meal. Not at my house. We're eating pasta. Christmas turkey? No, thank you. I am never going to eat turkey as long as I live.

Don't try to convince me that your turkey recipe is the best and it doesn't taste like "that stuff you had in Iraq." I don't care. I'm not eating it!

In fact, my driver said it best, "if someone brings turkey to my house, or even mentions the bird, they're getting two to the chest and one to the head." Yes, he's talking about bullets.

For those of you who have ever had an MRE, you know it's not the best thing in the world. It's not even that great. And if you have hot food, you'd much rather have that. Well, I say nay! We fight over MREs here on the patrol base. Because an MRE means you have enough calories to skip dinner. And the turkey!

Seriously. I hate turkey!!